Goodbye my skinny love.

  2013 is a terrible year for me, but you're an exception.

  It's unbelievable that fate brings you to me, both of us are from two different worlds; supposedly there's no reason why I would meet you.

  You were the first person who would feel heartache for me while my family would only doubt me.

  You were the first person, besides my mom, who would take care of me when I was sick. You were able to persuade & drag me to buy medicine & herbal tea. Even my mom wasn't able to do that!

  You were the first person who insisted that I must sleep first then you'll sleep.

  Perhaps, because I don't know how is it to be pampered & loved by a dad; I'm touched by you.

  You made me feel so guilty whenever you insisted to pay for me. Our first & last movie, was Star Trek & I was fast enough to pay for us AHAHAHA! When we were at NTUC, the cashier said she wouldn't take a girl's money. She said I'm embarrassing you opps!

  The first time we met, we ate at Newton market after my work. We ordered many food. That night, it was raining heavily & our backs were drenched while we were eating. The ambience was so amazing.

  I was kinda afraid that you may sell me away but I chose to trust you & go JB with you at midnight although I had work at 10am the next day.

  I always said " I'm not tired " because not seeing you is painful.

  When I was lost & you weren't with me but you were patient & specific to teach me how to walk, on the phone.

  I never like holding hands, I don't like holding my ex's hand either. However, your hands give me the kinda warmth that makes me feel safe.

  It's unbelievable that I've just met you but I'm so attached to you.

  At times, you were so gentle. At times, you were so cold.

  I don't know how did you treat your ex but I know, definitely very caring & protective. I kinda envious of her.

  I'm not the kinda girl that you would wanna fight hard to keep. I wish, you would tell me what's the real reason that's stopping you halfway.

  I'm trying my best to control my feelings & not to be clingy because I don't wanna pressure you.

  With eyes brimming with tears whenever I admit that I miss you.

  You're not the kinda guy that I want but you've somehow caught my heart.

  No more supper/lunch with you.
  No more hearing you sing.
  No more calls from you.
  No more texts from you.
  No more holding your hands.
  No more kisses from you.
  No more cuddling with you.

  You're gone.

  I do not have the courage to ask you to stay.

  I'm not gonna pick up your call anymore.
  I'm not gonna reply your text anymore.
  I doubt you would call or text me.

  No worries, I'll be fine soon, I just need some time.

  You know that I'm stressing over money because I'm worried about the big sum of school fee & I'm a ambitious girl. You, the first person, who taught me to be contented & not to be greedy; life would be easier & I'll be happier like this. I'll heed your advice.

  I'll bury the memory you give me, in a corner of my heart.

  Sooner or later, my feelings for you will fade.
  Sooner or later, I'll stop missing you.

  The next time I see you, I would smile.

  Probably, you're the best memory in my 2013.

  I wish, I hope, I want, you to remember me in a small small corner of your heart. Will you?

  Lastly, thank you for making me feel being loved.




  

My 2013 is a bad bad bad year.

  I've the habit of deleting my previous posts whenever I read back my posts. Hopefully, someday, I would stop deleting them & have the courage to face my past emotions.

  2013 is definitely a bad year for me. I screwed up in my O level, cried 4 times on that day. I felt so hopeless & helpless. That day was the first time, I felt so devastated in my entire life.

  Yet, to look back, I'm glad that I'd screwed up. Why? I'm forced to work hard for myself. I decided to go PSB to take Tourism & Hospitality. I must work in the day time for my allowance, transportation, bills & most importantly save up for my school fees which is more than $40k.

  Initially, my mom's boyfriend promised to pay up for my education fees but now he back off. Deal with it then. Noone owes me a living.

  My mom & big brother said, I could try to persuade him again but well I can depend on myself. I don't wanna owe anyone a favour.

  My mom told me to stop studying since we have no money. This sentence is like a knife, stabbing into my heart, til now, I can still feel the pain. I didn't ask anyone to pay a cent for me. I don't blame you for rather taking loan after another from the bank for your pleasure than for me. So what's the point of saying this?

  It always takes some tests, for me to identify who are my true true friends. I've lost 2 this year. Fantasy baby. I left with one best friend now, Calista Wong.

  I thought my best friends would always stay by my side when disasters approach. Well, I was too naive. When I needed someone the most, my best friends decided to leave me. This time, I wouldn't try to beg them back cause when I was all alone by myself, struggling, they left.

  I know when serious shits happened, I could only rely on my brothers although we aren't close.

  It hurts when my second brother & I are so drifted now, he's been telling everyone that I've changed; he's being sarcastic & stirring shits. He has become very selfish, disregarding my presence; rather watching me suffer to get what he wants. Oh well, he's my brother, I definitely should give in but I'm astonished by what he's doing now.

  So my family feels that I've changed. So what if I've changed? Instead of asking why?  All you do is assuming. I'm here working full time & part time at the same time. Also, I'm learning how to survive in the adult world. However, you're assuming me fooling around & dating. Even my own family doubts me, what more can I say?

  My 2013 is so happening. I lost my wallet, with IC in Jan. A retarded bus driver confiscated my student pass. My Sony Xperia U dropped into the toilet bowl. I got scammed, a total of $2000. AHAHAHA!

  I'm not asking for an easy path, I'm hoping all the shits would be useful in the future.

  I do not need sympathy from anyone because I'm not pathetic at all. I can rely on myself, I've learnt that if I want something badly, I must fight it for myself.

  I'm not asking for a life saviour, I'm just hoping someone would give me the strength to hold on instead of doubting me.